Text by Aleksandra Jarosz
/
Lately, one memory came to me. I waited for the bus with my friend. Instead of checking the bus time schedule my friend just sat on the bus stop bench. I was surprised, therefore I asked him if he knows how long we need to wait. Then, he said: - Does it matter? The bus will arrive exactly when it will arrive, aside from us knowing how long we need to wait. That we know, doesn't change anything.
Knowing.
The patients who are waiting for diagnosing. They know what causes their pain and suffering, but somehow they feel relive when they get the proper medical label. Now they know what is wrong with them, they have an illness XYZ. Yet, does it changes anything? Does it hurt less? Knowing gives us an illusion of control. If we can name something suddenly feels like it is under our influence. Probably sometimes it works.
How it works now?
Knowing the numbers.
Knowing all the latest news.
Knowing the deaths.
Days.
Countries.
Knowing if we are infected.
Knowing if we will be statistics too.
Knowing which part of that statistic we will be.
Does it really making us hurt less? I am afraid that knowing for most of us doesn't mean anything. Only the real influence has a meaning. The only thing I can control is myself. The only good impact is to not have any. The only right choice is isolation. Everything else is something that will happen besides me know it or not.
That is why I haven't left my flat for many days without knowing how it all will end.
Text by Aleksandra Jarosz, from Vienna, Austria